make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
