but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
