I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
