Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
whose parrot is this?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
