My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
