Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
