I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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