I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
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