This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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