I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
