dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
