I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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