Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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