I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you had me at cake vodka
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
