I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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