Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
