ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
