i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
