Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
