If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
