I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
