she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
