He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
