Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
