if i can run in heels then i can drive
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I did not marry a roomba.
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