dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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