The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
