I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
