Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We got so high we made milksteak
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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