then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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