We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
