It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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