guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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