Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize