If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
