I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
