is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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