Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
