She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
