is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
