where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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