so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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