All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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