wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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