this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You took a bar mat shot.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
