I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
