i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
