Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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