He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
