She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
