If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
