woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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