The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
