the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
and you fell through a lawn chair
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
