i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
