My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
