everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
