You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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