I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
how can u be prego again
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
