Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize