Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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