I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Randomize
