im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
