Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize