I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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