ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
