my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
