After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
