he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize