Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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