what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
