Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
North Korea, Best Korea!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
